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"These gloves hide my surprisingly hairy knuckles."
Why did the Cubs get rid of Sam Fuld? He’s a great defensive player with speed, something the Cubs need. Johnson’s best days are behind him.
— Tom P., Wolcottville, Ind.
Aren’t all of ours???
CARRIE: If Fuld had stayed with the Cubs, he would be a bench player, and…
…you’d be pissing and moaning about how he should be starting in left field over Alfonso Soriano.
CARRIE: …last year in that role, he batted .143 with the Cubs.
CUBBIE CURSE!!!
CARRIE: He was out of options and wasn’t going to bump Alfonso Soriano, Marlon Byrd, Tyler Colvin or Kosuke Fukudome from the Cubs’ outfield rotation. It’s been tough enough for Colvin to get playing time. As for Johnson, he delivered the game-winning home run in the 11th inning of Game 1 on Wednesday against the Padres and went 3-for-4 in the second game.
Plus, as long as Reed is on the roster, you can hang on to your old Matt Clement faux beards from 2003!
CARRIE: Cubs manager Mike Quade on Johnson…
“Yes, it’s also completely hairless.”
CARRIE: “What makes him such a great player off the bench is he knows his role and is ready for any situation.” That’s a valuable piece to have.
The Cubs rank last in all of baseball in stolen bases.
And stolen bases are the sign of a WINNING TEAM! That’s why three of the top five NL teams in stolen bases last year were the Mets (130), Nationals (110), and Astros (100), who combined for a .461 winning percentage.
Last year, Tony Campana…
…took over a drug empire in 1980s Miami?
…stole 66 bases, best in the Cubs’ farm system, sixth overall in the Minors. As a leadoff man, he hit .319 for Tennessee. This year, he is leading off for Iowa and hitting over .400. He plays center field and turns 25 in May. Clearly he is more valuable to this Cubs team than Johnson. Why don’t the Cubs recall him and release Johnson?
— Mike B., Plainfield, Ill.
Man, Reed’s taking a hell of a beating for a fourth/fifth outfielder with a 1.069 OPS.
CARRIE: Campana may be more valuable down the road, but right now, he needs to play every day. Teams like having experienced players on the bench, and Johnson is a perfect fit.
The older the better! Get Cap Anson on the telegraph wire!
CARRIE: “It’s easy to lay down and stop making the effort because you’re not playing as much,” Johnson said…
VETERAN LEADERSHIP!
CARRIE: “…but when that opportunity comes — whether it’s an injury or you’re called on late in the game — if you put that work in and that preparation in, you’re going to be more successful than not.”
Or, at a statistically-acceptable level, three times out of ten.
Why doesn’t Ramirez bat third? He’s been the best hitter on this team for so many years and has never batted third (that I can recall).
— Cody W., Clarksville, Ind.
Quade bats Aramis third in the lineup every day, but because he lacks hustle, Byrd usually beats him to the bat rack.
CARRIE: The best answer I can give you is there’s no one else to bat fourth.
For some examples of the worst answer she can give you, please feel free to browse through the Muskbox archives.
CARRIE: The No. 4 batter is the team’s prime RBI man, and Ramirez has thrived in that role. One of the reasons Quade is considering moving Castro to No. 3 is because…
…he can’t leave well enough alone?
CARRIE: …no one has stepped up with runners on. Byrd was batting .263 with runners on, but .182 with runners in scoring position. Carlos Pena is batting .107 with runners on, .133 with RISP. Castro is hitting .313 with runners on, .308 with RISP. Ramirez has hit third in his career, batting .304 in 121 games there.
So, if Marlon Byrd leaves from Chicago batting .263 with runners on, and Aramis Ramirez leaves Milwaukee batting .304 out of the third hole, at what time will you stop reading the Muskbox?
I know it’s early, but based on his performance, what is the chance that Darwin Barney will be considered for Rookie of the Year honors?
— Jack R., Indianapolis
CARRIE: If Barney keeps hitting and playing the way he has, why not?
WHY NOT US?
I’ve noticed the Wrigley Field organist plays John Williams’ “Imperial March” from “Star Wars” whenever Castro walks up to bat. Did Castro choose this music as his at-bat music or is it just a choice by the organist to warn opposing pitchers of the impending doom that is Starlin Castro’s bat?
— Jarrett P., Chicago
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
CARRIE: Organist Gary Pressy is in charge of the at-bat music this year. I thought he played Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Shining Star” as well for Castro. It’s more of a play on “star” and not because of the “force” of Castro’s bat.
THESE AREN’T THE JOKES I’M LOOKING FOR!
I live in Blake Parker’s hometown, and I haven’t been able to find anything about him this spring. Is he still in the Cubs’ organization?
— Steve S., Fayetteville, Ark.
Not even Blake Parker’s neighbors know who the hell Blake Parker is. And thus ends the unfortunate tale of Blake Parker.
CARRIE: Parker is pitching for Double-A Tennessee, and through Wednesday, he was 1-0 with a 2.79 ERA in five games, giving up six runs (three earned) on nine hits and two walks while striking out seven over 9 2/3 innings.
HE’S THE SAM FULD OF PITCHING!
My friends and I were arguing over the display rules for the “W” and “L” flags that fly after games at Wrigley Field to signify a win or a loss that day. Could you tell us all the rules? For example, should the flag be taken down at the end of the night or the next morning?
— Billy B., Pella, Iowa
You and your friends are colossal assholes.
CARRIE: The flags are taken down late every night from the scoreboard. Here’s a little trivia: When the Cubs win, they raise a new “W” flag each time.
It’s a good thing the rules aren’t the same for a loss. They’d run out of flags!
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